so im back, confused as eva!
i decided purging sucks salty balls so i want to try and quit, and amazingly enough ive gotten better-ish. the secret?
breakfast! i eat a small healthy breakfast every morning and i end up not really over eating at lunch. my weight is about the same so no complaints there ( about 102.6-103pds)  i usually have half a cup of non fat greek yogurt with 10 grapes and sometimes a spoon ful of jelly if im feeling really famished. i try to keep all this around 120-200 cals. i tend to avoid lunch like the plague because thats when i tend to over eat. and for dinner since im a vegetable-A-tarian usually something with TVP ( google it, shit is ah-mazing), around 200-400 cals.

so i told boytoy about the purging...
and honestly i told him because i wanted help quitting, and to have someone care , i know thats self centered blah blah blah but i just feel so alone. i wanted him to hold me and tell me he loves me and that we would get through this together. i wanted love.
he didnt care.
said i should be grateful for my disorder because other girls would kill to have my kind of self control and that i should just enjoy being thin for a while.
(words that make me want to die)
im flip flopping between wanting to get better and wanting to turn to dust.
i told him it hurts. that im doing this as a means to an end. that dying is the finish line in this and im scared by how appealing that is.
i asked him to eat breakfast with me and help me not over eat ( because i dont throw up small amounts).
this apparently was too much of a burden thrust upon him and he declined.
( i want to be held so tightly that i cant breath)